Breakups are tough. I have been through one and about to start the process of another. Even though the separation is the correct decision logically, emotionally the symptoms of the end are always still so strong. Your brain says “I was extremely unhappy and always wanting for more”, but your heart says “maybe we could have worked things out”. And during that seperation your body craves. It craves to see their face, hear their voice, touch their skin. It longs for things to be back to normal - even if normal left you feeling miserable. How do we process that? How do we find peace again?
I feel very fortunate in the fact that my vice is my camera. I’m addicted to taking pictures - I’m a functioning photoholic. I need to go and get lost into that now, I need to put my focus into something that I love and that makes me happy. I want to do all I can to keep positive - even when things, at least for now, feel the complete opposite.
The end of the relationship is hard because you feel like you are losing part of yourself. A joint experience and identity, separate to your own, has been created and now it is gone. And whilst it makes more sense to say goodbye than it does to remain together, the withdrawal continues and your mind needs to be smoothed.
Having a passion, something that will forever be with me no matter my circumstances in life (health permitting), for me is one of the best ways to heal. It will take time, my brain needs to re-programme into something fresh, but I must be optimistic even if the immediate feeling is doom and gloom.
Right now I am in relationship rehab, detoxing from a diet of happiness, passion, pain and misery. That is a lot for the mind to take and the stress it puts on the body sometimes feels almost unmanageable. I could turn to drink, drugs, rebounds and wild behaviour. But would all that allow me to love myself?
When love ends, love for one’s self can momentarily go with it. But I am worth more, I have more and will be more. To love we must love ourselves, and my biggest reminder of my self love is my camera. It reminds me of my talent, my passion, my ability to handle negative situations in a healthy and creative way.
So, I am going travelling again. I will travel and document my journey from heartbreak to healthy. I will surround myself with my passion, my thirst for life and my hunger to create.
Please be patient with me. Right now I feel lost - but with time and healing, I will find myself again. And when that time comes, I will be better and stronger than I was before.
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